


I had Zero Sleep, Please Don't Take Me Seriously

by Anonymous



Series: Kaleidoscope [1]
Category: mcyt
Genre: I wrote this as a one-shot, M/M, Teen Angst, Trans Toby Smith | Tubbo, Unrequited Love, ended up being apart of a short series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29006973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Tubbo really likes Ranboo, but Ranboo may not feel the same way, who knows for sure.Or: Tubbo leik Ranboo...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASorry if you don't like trans!tubbo, I wanted to project a little bit :/ - Robinson
Relationships: Ranboo/Toby Smith | Tubbo, There are friendship tags but wont add, ⬅ I'm going down with it
Series: Kaleidoscope [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181039
Comments: 41
Kudos: 316
Collections: Anonymous





	1. The Truth Should Be Revealed, But Not Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo accidentally confesses to Ranboo our Beloved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

Sometimes, you have an urge to speak out your feelings, the urge to spill out the things you feel, it doesn't matter if it is taken wrongly, you just want to say, I love you.

Of course, this can't happen if you're actively talking to your friend and he is streaming live with over 40k people watching. Tubbo of course knew that that is very risky and he should not go ahead and spill his heart's content, but sometimes, he wished that he just came forward. 

Tubbo never wanted to catch feelings, because once he does, he won't ever let go of the person. He is extremely infatuated with Ranboo, something on how he enters the VC, casually and confident, just makes his heart jump from his chest, makes his stomach feel fluttery and his face all tingly as blood rushed to his cheeks.

Now here he is, 4:28 am and talking to the one who owns his heart, Tubbo is only awake to hear Ranboo's deep voice, talking to him and the TwtichChat. He spouts random thoughts that cross his mind, since he can't filter himself, sleep deprivation does that shit to you. 

"If only, if only I can tell you what I feel;  
maybe this lingering feeling of my heart would leave,  
I'd be relieved"

"What?"

_oh god ___


	2. Covering Up Mistakes That Will Be Intentional One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cover up of Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short, and I had some clout, here is your dog bone bitches.
> 
> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

"What?"

Tubbo had only a split second to say something before it all goes pear shaped.

"It's a random lyric, for that generic angsty teenage song."

"Oh, ahahaha" Ranboo's laugh filled his ears, "that sounds like a great line"

"Yeah it does! Part two of that"

_What a SAVE!!! I deserve a Nobel Prize for that!! _Tubbo was wriggling out of the pent up joy that he managed to cover up is accidental confession, in a way.__

__"So are you writing a song? You gonna be the next Wilbur Soot?"_ _

__Oh boy did Tubbo's joy shattered like a mirror._ _

"Yes I am." _Well now I have to_

____

____

____"Pog dude! Drop the day right here right now!"_ _ _ _

____"Ummm, one day that's for sure"_ _ _ _

____That conversation left at that, after a while Tubbo decided it was time to retire from the stream, he said his farewells to Ranboo and the TwitchChat. He turned off his eletonics and covered himself in his cold covers, regret poisoning his systems. Now he has a song to write, he wasn't even planning on doing so._ _ _ _


	3. Dialogue Between a Concerned Friend and a Confused Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Tubbo chat at first light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COME GET YOUR BONES BITCHES!!
> 
> *Throws RanTub Bone to ya'll*
> 
> This is shorter and I am sorry. I might actually convert everything into one full chapter since they're that short, but then it'll look like a wattpad, but then again, this writing is basically wattpad-level.

Tubbo was woken up with a familiar ping from his phone, he groaned and unlocked it, to see the notifacation from discord, from Tommy

**Tommyinnit: Hey big man  
Tommyinnit: You probably didn't want to hear this in the morning but that clip may or may not have gone around the internet**

Tubbo groaned, he forgot about that for 3 seconds and now he has to deal with this at first light. 

**Tubbo: Okay**

**Tommyinnit: Just ok?**

**Tommyinnit: I know you're not since you basically confessed directly and then dismissed it**

**Tommyinnit: Tubbo this happened before with you being trans and all**

 **Tommyinnit: Just tell me how you feel**

**Tommyinnit: Are you embarrassed about last night?**

Tubbo pondered a bit on that question, to a degree, he feels relived but then again, he covered it up with something he wan't planning to do.

**Tubbo: I guess I am**

**Tubbo: I don't really know you know its just that I just don't want to**

**Tubbo: You know?**

**Tommyinnit: Nope but I can try to understand what the hell you said lmao**

**Tommyinnit: I need to know this but do you actually crush on Ranboo  
**

Tubbo immediately closed Discord, he doesn't want to face an actual person who would know that he actually likes Ranboo, even Tubbo doesn't want to acknowledge his own feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More clout please? Also thanks for the hits and comments, I appreciate them :D
> 
> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com


	4. Realizing the Fact that You are Lovesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo and Ranboo talk on stream, scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE CLOUT I AM THRIVING ON IT
> 
> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

Tubbo spent that day lying around playing Minecraft and eating Monster Munch Crisps. He was eagerly awaiting to talk to Ranboo, but he felt slightly nauseous when he'd start daydreaming about him, longing gripped his heart and the urge to speak out the feelings he does not like came at full force, nearly tipping over his tongue and exposing him. It's about 5 am and the alert of Ranboo's stream popped up on his phone, 15 minutes late.

Tubbo suddenly lurched, bile raising up his stomach, _I knew I should've not eaten those crisps._ He then has the idea that maybe it won't be a good thing if he joins the stream considering the fact that he didn't sleep for 3 days and that he's going to probably throw up, but screw it. Tubbo grabbed the bit of courage he has and called Ranboo.

"Hey Ranboo!" Tubbo greeted him.

"Hey Tubbo, I was wondering when you were coming on! How ya been man!" Ranboo's voice filled Tubbo's ears, the nauseous feeling is stronger than ever.

"Great! Kinda sick but whatever."

The TwitchChat was flying with the usual "go to sleep Tubbo" and "omg it's like 5 am Tubbo"

"Your Chat isn't very cool, I get to sleep when I want, which is never"

"Sleep is for the Weak!" Ranboo said.

"Yeah!! Sleep is for the Weak, I'm a strong manly man who don't need no sleep!"

"I actually like sleeping, it's very cool if you ask me, you're dead to the world for a while"

"Well I don't want to be dead to the world, how will I get my Twitch Primes? Speaking of which, use your Primes on Ranboo!"

"Listen to the Man!"

They spent about an hour talking, Tubbo rambling about weird America is and when he meets Ranboo. Tubbo sure wasn't feeling well, he feels anxious and just plain old sick talking to the one who owns his heart.

"I feel very sick, hopefully I can skip school tomorrow," Tubbo half-joked.

"Lol, aren't you in lock down over there in the UK?"

"Yeah that's the joke Ranboo, although I do feel a bit sick."

"Well then sleep! You don't have to stay up for me Tubbo"

"Too bad! I never have enough time to be with you so I'm staying!" Tubbo's voice shook with a weird sound laced with it

"Alright, if you dropped dead asleep than it's not my fault"

"Of course not!"

Tubbo's door opened with his sister at the doorway, obviously annoyed and tired.

"Could you shut up Toby? You're shouting." (A/N: i am so sorry for using his name it looks so wrong aaaaaa-)

He dropped his voice down to a soft whisper,"oh sorry, I didn't know I was loud." 

"Sure you didn't," and with that, she left the room, closing the door quietly

"Ooh someone's in trouble~" Ranboo teased.

"Well I guess I should go, Mother Dearest might whip me if Teagan tells her."

"Haha! Okay buh bye Tubbo!"

"Goodbye, Ranboo my beloved."

Tubbo left the call and immediately felt worse, his heart felt it was going to burst, maybe that's because of his binder that he didn't take off yet or something more dreadful. He goes back to the clip where he makes that weird sound when his voice shook,

_"Too bad! I never have enough time to be with you so I'm staying!"_

Tubbo dropped his phone onto his face, he realized the thing laced was just something that he didn't want to be conscious of, the sound of longing but you can hear it audibly, the saddness in the sentence that it sort of hard to hear. 

Tubbo is so screwed, now that he knows what the nausea really meant, _I guess I have to come to terms with this inconvenience_


	5. Confessions Live on Twitch.tv

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confession Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I had no more filler chapters ideas and I had 2 scraped chapters and I was running out of titles to make that go with the those waste of laptop storage space.
> 
> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

It's been 2 whole months since the incident of the accidental, and cover-up, of Tubbo's weird confession. It's been forgotten by a large percentage of the community, only to be brung up by media-shares and Tommy making fun of Tubbo with the clip, privately thank god. Tubbo had been getting impatient with his feelings being annoying and making him feel like he got flower petals scratching against his lungs, as if his lungs weren't already getting crushed. 

It's been 2 days since Tubbo was planning for his confession, a real and straight forward one, he's not going to be a coward and cover it up. He will make sure that his beloved Ranboo knows that he actually loves him and isn't meaning to drive that twitter group go insane.

Today is the day, for confessing, for destroying two reputations in a day. 

Time is getting shorter, Tubbo is just hyping himself up

It's the time for confession. Ranboo has gone live. Tubbo immediately clicked the notification and was watching the stream, he gave up the last second and decided to not confess, Tubbo was pondering if he should pop into a call with Ranboo. Tubbo sighed, before he called Ranboo, he check the stream's up time, _01:39:03_ Tubbo was very late to join, and he knows it. And all the sudden, Tubbo got his confidence to confess, it was like a soft high of serotonin, the joy of being able to actually do it out of nowhere felt great!

"Hi Ranboo!" Tubbo heard his voice squeak/

"Tubbo! Chat was wondering when you're coming here"

"I love you Ranboo!"

"I-I love you too!" Ranboo was laughing out the words.

The confidence died super quick but it's too late now.

"W-what I meant to say is, I like you enough that you're all I think about every day I breathe through that blasted binder." Tubbo took a breathe in, he didn't realize that his window was open and was letting in the cool early morning air into his room. "You are really my beloved, Ranboo"

The silence in the call was killing Tubbo, the stream's sounds with the dono alerts and sub gifts going off was the only thing that was there. 

"Ranboo?"

The stream shut down, leaving Tubbo and the TwitchChat flabbergasted at the reaction.


	6. Awkwardness In a Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ranboo and Tubbo have a small chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, I am so sorry, I split this chapter in half for a bit of suspense.
> 
> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

Tubbo was sitting on his bed, Ranboo wasn't out of the discord call although it seem he was gone due to the fact the call was quiet, Tubbo could now hear Ranboo's soft breathing. Tubbo was too afraid to utter a single word.

Finally, after what seemed 12 hours but really was 2 minutes, Ranboo broke the frigid silence. 

"What the actual fuck did you think will happen, Tubbo" Ranboo said with a soft, gruff tone.

Tubbo gasped, he knows that Ranboo doesn't use swear words so this was new.

"On MY stream you pulled this stunt? You know people are going to go ballistic over this now?!"

Tubbo would hate to see Ranboo's face at that moment, a blatant look of disappointment popped into his head, that hurt him.

"Look, I'm just trying to make sense of this, so, you confessed, and now you want an answer"

Tubbo said hesitantly, "y-yeah?"

"I don't like you that way." Ranboo said strongly, as if sure of himself "We can be friends but not lovers if that's what you're aiming for"

"I wasn't, I just wanted to do it," _Although if you felt the same way I'd accept_ , Tubbo added silently

"Okay, I'm going to leave call, this has gotten too awkward for me," and with that Ranboo disconnected.


	7. I Broke Down at the Pier When I Realized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo goes out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pain? Who knows.
> 
> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

Tubbo was just sitting up on his bed, he can't process just what happened, he doesn't know what to do. He hasn't ever been rejected since he never really crushed on people, much less confessed. So he decided to sleep because that is the best way to deal with things until you wake up.

So that is exactly what he did. Needless to say, Tubbo was zonked out until he woke up at 5 pm, a very reasonable time to wake up if you are sleep deprived. He groaned, he forgot to take off his binder, so he took it off. _It's better to be dysphoric than suffocate to death,_ he told himself as that dreaded feeling creeped on him. He went down the stairs, the early morning confessing was thrust-ed into his head that Tubbo nearly tripped down the last flight of stairs.

"You okay, Toby," his mother asked from the kitchen.

"Yeah! I'm just heading out, I need me some air," he respond, grabbing his light blue hoodie from the couch.

"Wait, before you go-"

"Sorry gotta go bye Mum," Tubbo interrupted quickly.

Tubbo left the house in a hurry, he walks for a good while, thinking about his actual confession watching the people go by him and getting a couple of looks, he hopes that his bed hair is the thing capturing their glance. He made it to a rocky beach and saw the pier that he sees flash by in the family car, he decides to walk all the way down to the end of the old wooden pier, each step feeling heavy for some bizarre reason as he thinks about that small chat after the silence in the call that morning.

He made it to the end, the sun dipping into the salty seawater making both the sky and ocean turn to a orange and peach in front of him, behind Tubbo, the Earth's shadow making the rest of the sky a darkening blue hue. Tubbo had a realization:

_"I don't like you that way"_

Tubbo didn't registered that at first when Ranboo said that but now, it hit Tubbo with full force. He felt his eyes leak with the liquid that he contained for along he remembered, tears. He sure didn't like crying in public, but this was just something he has now acknowledged. He let out a little sob, just one to not draw attention to himself, if he was in his room, he'd let out the wails that were getting blocked in his throat. His tears gushing down in buckets was the only thing that he dared let people see.

Rejection hurts like hell, he found out that moment at the pier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to edit this chapter one day, it's too low quality for this.


	8. The Attempt for Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just spoke to Tommyinnt, and he cried for 3 damn minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

Tubbo was attempting to self-control his emotions before he makes a public scene, he definitely doesn't want that to attract the attention of all the people surrounding the rocky beach. He decided it was time to head back home, it was well after 7 pm when he did. Tubbo felt miserable, absolutely wretched in two ways in one, he felt exceptionally groggy and that rejection really did a number of hits to his crushed heart. Tubbo entered his house, his parents at the dinner table, looking at him with worried eyes.

"Where were you," Tubbo's father asked with a weary voice

"The pier," Tubbo responded, "I was just looking at the sunset"

"We have to talk to you honey, I'm sure you know I'm going to ask you," his mother was going that direction, of course.

Tubbo lifted his hand to his head, "can we not talk about it? I rather not."

Mother exhaled, Father tensed up, an stern expression on his face that scared Tubbo, Mother put her left hand on his leg, as if to not provoke Tubbo to blow up. He looked at her and his facial features seemed to soften and gave an understanding nod. With that Tubbo went up to his room, feeling his phone vibrate, he took it out.

Tubbo was going to ignore it when he saw all the missed calls from basically everyone on his contact lists. Tommy had the highest, 82 missed calls in a span of 11 hours, and Tubbo was only awake for barely 2 hours. So he decided to at least answer Tommy, since he'll probably be the one who tells the server that Tubbo isn't dead or something. He pressed, accept.

"Hello?"

"Oh my fucking god, Tubbo! Why didn't you answer? Don't you know that I nearly went out of my way to go all the way to Brighton to see if you're okay? Man, Tubbo I was worried-," Tommy words were all getting blurred together, "Then you drop off the internet, not a single bit of activity and you didn't answer my calls, or anyone else's! You should've at least sent a DM so I know you're not going to be sheltered away from humanity!"

"Sorry Tommy."

Tommy let out a deep sigh over the phone, "I know you would be, I just need to know if you're safe. What happened after the stream? I didn't hear anyone disconnect in the clip so I'm assuming both of you stayed."

Tubbo felt his lips quiver again, he really can't hold his emotions that long but he has to, enough to tell his friend.

"Yep, we stayed in the call... he doesn't like me like I-" Tubbo hiccuped "although he was honest, he was cold. He spoke firmly and I don't like that very much if I'm being frank with you."

The uncomfortable sensation of a lump in throat began to show itself and Tubbo hiccuped again.

"Give me a second, I'm crying," Tubbo laughed weakly, trying to not worry his best friend.

"Go right ahead." _God he's such a good friend_

He slid down to the ground and put down his phone on his carpeted floor. Tubbo actually underestimated what a cry he was going to have: Quick, shallow breathing, making Tubbo's chest hurt with a sharp pang inside his lungs. Blurry vision, mostly due to the mass amount of tears gushing out his already swollen eyes, marking his cheeks even more. The sudden weakness and vulnerability that came with the sobs that left this boy left to break. Tubbo relished the days he didn't know about his crush, he wished that he didn't feel anything at all. 

He cried for a good 3 minutes before he bottled everything back up, it's better to unleash it in the cruelty of night. He picked up his phone from the floor.

"I'm back," Tubbo's voice cracked, fresh from bawling his eyes out.

"Y'know, after a good cry you feel better," Tommy stated

"Well, I'm not feeling too great. I got rejected like 12 hours ago or something. Talking to you makes me feel a bit better." 

"Of course you do! I'm a great the-ro-paist!" Tommy exaggerated on the last part, earning a small giggle.

"Yeah you are."

A sweet silence hung in that call, different from the earlier one that had sour and cold, this call was a sweet and pleasant evening with a familiar warmth that was like an embrace. 

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"What do I do? I don't think I'll be able to stream or talk to Ranboo again, it's embarrassing for me and for him."

"Just take a tiny break, maybe you should Ranboo, he's worried about you too but he's a fucking coward, nervous to come forward and call you personally about how he's concerned."

This took Tubbo by surprise, _Ranboo, really?_

"Geez, that doesn't make me feel better, makes me feel even more guilty and sad, and tired."

"You can't be tired now! You sleep all day everyday!"

"True, as a matter of fact I woke up almost 3 hours ago, not sleeping for days on end does things to you apparently."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Tubbo!"

"Yeah, I'm going now, buh bye!"

"Okay, call me so I know you're not dead."

Tubbo hung up and looked thru his DMs, not wanting to answer them, it was hard to see the panic that he caused everyone, he was going to send everyone a message but after the two crying episodes, he felt exhausted.

Tubbo decided that he'd call Ranboo, one day in the following week, just enough time to be heart broken and attempt to get over it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robinson is going to make a new thing, have fun :)


	9. Family is Apart the Healing Process (even the old cat helps)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo's parents are cool, sort of I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter D:
> 
> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

Tubbo felt tired, but his body said otherwise. He was under his blankets, feeling a void that he wishes never came to be, he was scrolling through his twitter feed, making sure to not like anything related to him and Ranboo. Unfortunately, a lot of people were talking about last night's stream, which was taken down by Ranboo. The confession went viral, making it's way to number 1 and 4 on trending on Twitter for the United States, and got a description, very big indeed. There were screenshots that show the trends. 

**_1- CONFESSION-_ ** __

_**_4- Binder-_ ** _Fans are surprised to hear in the same love proclaiming stream that Tubbo is transgender. The Stream has since now been deleted. [trending with Tubbo, CONFESSION, beetwt]_ _

Tubbo groaned, he didn't realized that he said that, but he doesn't care, he'd rather wallow in his own self-loathing than pay attention to what ever Chat found out. That was a lie obviously, there are people, who were never even aware of his existence, who are disgusted of Tubbo, which wounded him. 

_**_Marie Franks:_** _@MarieFranksPHD  
Online people are influencing our children to be sinful, God will not have mercy to those who are not appreciative to what He gave them. This is terrible what the media is doing. _ _

__

__He certainly knows that Beetwt is collapsing on itself, those with the same love for the Tubbo/Ranboo dynamic going insane with their lovely platonic dynamic probably not being so platonic after all, and of course, the weird side of twitter going feral with revolting ideas about their relationship (poppytwt i'm looking at you, nasty). Tubbo checked the time, 9:32 pm. Tubbo hear his door getting scratched, and his old ginger cat, Rocky came inside. Tubbo patted his bed to make his cat go up with him. Rocky snuggled up to him, making Tubbo's eyes water again._ _

__He let out a chuckle, "man, I sure am in my feels huh Rocky?"_ _

__The cat looked up to him and meowed, headbutting Tubbo's arm, making Tubbo feel weaker, just about everything is making him cry, which isn't good of course. He thought for a bit, about his parents wanting to talk to him, he doesn't want to say anything, especially to his father, but he feels too hurt care completely. But then again, his father might hate Tubbo even more, that expression a few hours earlier really was petrifying._ _

__Tubbo found himself going down the stairs, heading towards his parent's room. He knocked the door softly, hearing his mother say "come in!" He went inside, his mother was brushing her hair._ _

__"Hey honey. You okay?"_ _

__"Yeah, no I'm not" his voice trembled. "I think I just ruined my life forever, my best friend doesn't not like me."_ _

__His mother turned on her comforting voice on, "Aw baby, these things happen, although you might have it harder than others, since it's out on the internet, but you'll deal with it like every teenage boy."_ _

__She wrapped her arms around Tubbo, the motherly warmth engulfing him with love, making Tubbo melt into a puddle._ _

__"That's the thing, I told everyone I wasn't completely a boy, and there are people who hate my guts now. Ranboo didn't return my feelings and I embarrassed him on his own stream. He hates me! I hate me!!"_ _

__He began to sob, his eyes barely had time to recover from crying so his tears stung more than he'd think, his mother was rubbing he arm up and down Tubbo's heaving back for comfort._ _

__"I just wanted to speak for the better feeling for my heart, turns out I couldn't handle it."_ _

__That instant Tubbo's Father enter the room. Tubbo quieted down, afraid that his Father was going to be mad at him. Instead, his Father looked down at him with sympathy._ _

__"Hey, it'll be okay. You messed up yeah, up in front of the world your feelings, but you'll get through this, son"_ _

__With that Tubbo realized that, even though his family had their differences, they'll help._ _

__Even Old Rocky being himself will make Tubbo feel better._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had writer's block and I couldn't find a way to finish this off nicely, I hope you still like this!  
> -Robinson


	10. *Dabs* PROMOTION OF NEXT WORK *Runs out of the room*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Discord- https://discord.gg/haXacgWEzN  
> Tumblr- enderbee-supremacy.tumblr.com

"Reassurance is something you need, you love me? Do you want me to love you? I will love you as my own brother, of course you can't hear that over the quietness in this call can you?"

"Radio Silence," coming soon on a tag near you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LMAO THIS SOUNDS LIKE A MOVIE TRAILER FOR SOME REASON BAHAHAHA
> 
> Anyways take a peak for it :3


End file.
